After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
