Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
