you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
