Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
