You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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