Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
