got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
