Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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