just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
