I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
