I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
