I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
