is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
