So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
