Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
