That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
