Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
