I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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