Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
