he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
