when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
