I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
