Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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