with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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