He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
