Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
