If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Damn victory sex feels great
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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