How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
