i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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