1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
