Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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