no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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