So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
