but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
