i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
