Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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