dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
