The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
