Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
