she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
