This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
