Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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