She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
