if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
