We won't sleep together?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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