I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
