why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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