i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
