So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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