Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
