...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
