dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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