why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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